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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in 20down's LiveJournal:

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Tuesday, December 4th, 2012
8:51 pm
Clocked in at 139 this morning. Ughhh. Lower,but still. first day of my period so I ate an ass ton.
probably 4 servings of multigrain chips
1 cup Fage 0% plain yogurt
4 coconut delight cookies
rib eye
bakes potato w cheese and yogurt
pinot grigio.
Wednesday, February 1st, 2012
2:12 pm
Wasa multigrain crispbread: 45
1 tbs almond butter: 95

Panera tomato soup (cup): 300
1/2 Chopped Thai Chicken salad: 300

3 slices hard salami: 60

Boneless skinless chicken breast: 120
Light piccata sauce: 100
White beans (1/4 c): 60
Spinach (1/4 c): 10

Wasa multigrain crispbread: 45
1 tbs almond butter: 95
1.5 oz mild cheddar: 160
1 serving triscuit thing crips: 150

Outtake: Walking (1 hr)

Weight: 131.4


Tall soy latte: 128

6 slices hard salami: 120

Lentil and chickpea curry (1.5 c): 260
1 tbs Fage 0% Greek Yogurt: 20

Wasa multigrain crispbread: 45
1 tbs almond butter: 95

1/4 c mixed nuts: 190

2 Hebrew National hotdogs: 300
2 c roasted green beans: 75

Outtake: 1 hr Bikram
Weight: 133.4
Thursday, October 13th, 2011
8:47 am
Somehow my lowest weight has become my high weight now. It's frustrating as hell.
Tuesday, February 1st, 2011
1:43 pm
So far today:

Large cup of Duchess Grey Tea- 0

1 whole wheat english muffin- 110

2 tsp homemade strawberry freezer jam- ~70?

2 cups of salad (romaine, bell pepper, broccoli, carrot)- 25

1 can light tuna in water- 130

1/8 c shredded sharp cheddar- 55

2 tbs homemade vidalia onion and cucumber dressing- 60

1 c pineapple juice (not from concentrate, fresh)- 110

Around 560 as of now.

For dinner we're having

Salmon- 230

Brown rice (1/2 c)- 100

Broccoli- 30

Salad- 20

Pear Gorgonzola vinaigrette- 50

So, another 430

Leaving me a tiny bit of comfortable wiggle room.

I'm trying.

I'll take it.
9:14 am
I guess I've been going back and forth over whether or not I should actually post in here again. I do not, in any way, have an eating disorder. I'm just trying to lose some weight. Preferably 20 lbs. I think I would love that. But, I'd settle for 10.

I'm trying to cut back on my drinking. I've actually done really well. I haven't been day-wasted in a couple of weeks, which makes a huge deal. AND I've only had wine over the last couple of days and only a couple glasses. Might not seem like much, but that's a huge freaking deal. HUGE.

so, here's what I ate yesterday:

Large cup of Duchess Grey Tea

1 cup of leftover pineapple rice

probably 1/2 of my son's cinnamon raisin bagel

1 cup of leftover pineapple rice

1/2 cup angel hair pasta

4 homemade roasted red pepper meatballs

1/2 cup tomato sauce

2 whole wheat breadsticks (homemade)

1 piece of chocolate

2 glasses Pinot Grigio

a freaking TON of water

I'm actually somewhat satisfied with that. I got in a really bad place over the holidays and in the weeks following where I would snack constantly. Basically, I'm trying to ease myself back in to making thoughtful decisions with regard to what I put in my body and how it will affect me.

Weight: 139

Attitude: Calm and Happy today.
Tuesday, January 25th, 2011
1:09 pm
Just tired
I'm tired of feeling like fucking shit.

I'm tired of feeling like I have to drink to be happy/entertained.

I'm tired of feeling like a frumpy mom.

I'm drinking my last beer during the week and then I'm fucking done.

I need something to bide my time. So, I choose this.

How fucking sad is that?
Monday, April 21st, 2008
11:37 am
I just wish things were easier is all.

I've had the most stressful months of my life.

We bought a house finally.
S' parents house was demolished by a tornado 2 weeks ago.
School is annoying me and so much to keep up with.
I'm off all meds and just trying to level out= no fun.

coffee w/2 tbs sugar and 2 tbs nonfat milk= 150

1 1/2 cup steak and potato soup= 225
1/8 cu cheese: 40

1/2 cup grape juice- 50

chicken= 100
marinade= 75
br. rice= 100
veg.= 75
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008
3:53 pm
Uh..so last night went a little differently than planned.

I actually ate 10 kumquats (135), 2 Samoas (150), 4 Flavorice Popsicles (100), 2 1/2 servings of edamame (250), so I was actually closer to 600. Hmph. I suppose it's still not that bad though, right? Under 1000 and I'm pretty happy.

Today has been junk food heavy though. I'm on my period for the first time since I quit the pill and whoa! It's hitting me pretty hard. Here's the tally:

cut for foodCollapse )

soooo, that's 1974, which is OVER my fucking UP day limit. OMG. WTF!? Damn you munchies!!!!!!
I've got to start planning out my days. I think that's a lot easier to manage than just winging it.

So, tomorrow is DOWN day- limit of 378. Here's what I'm planning:

more foodCollapse )
Tuesday, February 19th, 2008
5:21 pm
Down Day
Every thing's good with the doc by the way.

coffee: 6
2 tbs. sugar: 93
2 tbs. 2% milk: 25

Optima Slim Fast drink (chocolate): 190

= 314

Which leaves 73.

So, for dinner I will have 1/2 a cucumber (23), 3 kumquats (40) and 20 strips of bell pepper (10)

Monday, February 18th, 2008
3:53 pm
...in which I'm whiny
Dude, I feel so fucking depressed today I could just..ich. At least I think I feel depressed. Maybe it's actually apathy. Or boredom. Or self-induced psychosis. Whatever it is it sucks and I'm screaming for dear life on the inside. Man's worried about me again. Poor thing.

Yesterday I started noticing this nagging pain in my right pelvic area. It felt kinda like it would if I had done a bunch of crunches or something the night before. Not exactly, but reminiscent of that. Today, it is growing less and less "nagging" and more and more "painful." Of course I'm googling all of my symptoms and have convinced myself I have everything from another ovarian cyst to an ectopic pregnancy.

Luckily, I have an appointment with my OB/GYN tomorrow to get another ultrasound and see if my cyst from November is gone. Something is telling me that something is wrong. Ever get that feeling? Yeah. Then I start to worry if it's all just psychosomatic because I would kinda like a pill. Uhh.

On the eating thing, I totally ate 3/4 of a freaking Whopper Jr. and almost a whole order of fries. Tonight I'm making shrimp w/ three cheese whole wheat ravioli and a tomato vegetable sauce. It's supposed to be my "UP" day (1738), so I'm not too awfully worried, but still, yuck.

I bought Slim-Fast "Optimum" at the grocery today. And more pears. And cucumbers. And Kumquats. And Laughing Cow cheese. Yum.

Tomorrow's the first "DOWN" day, but it should be no problem as I will be preoccupied with the whole doctor thing going on.

Shit. I really hope it's not an ectopic pregnancy.
Friday, February 15th, 2008
11:44 am
Well, after a long reprieve, I'm back and bigger than ever.

I recently had a pretty horrible addiction to pain pills, which I think encouraged some of my weight gain. I've been clean now for 3 days (I had 25, but had a brief relapse, so start all over again) and I want to lose weight. Seriously.

I need something to think about other than drugs, so I'm going to think about getting healthy again. Exercising again. Dieting again. Getting my body back. Getting me back.

I'm going out of town for the weekend, but when I return on Sunday, I'm going to go buy some Slim-Fast or other kind of shakes. I read on the site that you should try to have shakes on your down days at least for the first couple of weeks.

My up day is 1763, which is just like, whoa. Don't think I'll be able to go quite that high, but I'll try.

My down day is 353, which is kinda whoa, too.

I'm gonna try though.
Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
9:12 am
Holy shit. I have been eating so crappy. I set my birthday (Sunday) as the day that everything is going to change.

Starting Monday, I'm limiting calories (alot!), Hot yoga at least twice a week, taking a multivitamin (I went to give blood yesterday and my iron was too low to give), cutting back on sweets, no more drugs!!!!


2 weeks ago, I was 134. There is no way I am 134 now. I h ave been gorging myself every night. My clothes are tight. I hate that.
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
9:56 am

2 pieces lf wheat toast: 120 ( i think?)
1 tsp butter: 40
2 pieces turkey bacon: 60
coffee: 5

1 cup grapes: 62
2 cups watermelon: 80
1 cup whole wheat pasta: 200
1 tbs. butter: 100
2 tbs. parmesan: 60

1/2 cup white rice: 100
1/2 cup black eye peas: 60
1 cup lowfat kielbasa: 140

Thursday, July 26th, 2007
4:10 pm
today has been such a crap day. I've eaten like shit. Uhh. I ate bacon..wtf is up with that?

Busy, busy busy at work.

Not feeling it.

Can't see my ribcage anymore.

Does anyone even read this?
Wednesday, July 11th, 2007
12:43 pm
well, I'm finally doing pretty damn amazing. I feel hungry sometimes, but for some reason it's manageable now. I've already lost at least 2 pounds and this is only my 3rd on day. Weee!! I haven't been starving myself either. Just major cut-downs and only healthy stuff.

apple (85)
coffee (2)

3 oz. turkey (60)
1 slice cheese (100)
kaiser roll (210)
mustard (0)
lettuce (1)
tomato (1)
100 pack pretzels (100)

steamed kale w/ garlic (1 cup)(40)
chickpeas w/ coconut milk & curry (1/2 cup)(140)
baba ganoush (1 tbs)(50)
90 cal whole wheat flatbread
tomato (3 slices)


2 cups coffee

roasted veggie flatbread
Tuesday, July 3rd, 2007
11:20 am

there's talk that we might close the office early today. oh, how i hope there's truth to that rumour. omg. want to go home so bad. my husband and i slept like shit last night.

1 cup milk: 150
coffee w/ ff milk: 40

most of a banana: 120

1 1/2 cups spinach: 15
4 tbs. ff sesame seed dressing: 60
minestrone soup: 160
peach: 60

rice cakes w/ chocolate drizzle: 90

Monday, July 2nd, 2007
3:38 pm
This weekend was ehh.. wasn't horrible, but wasn't great either.

I started reading Eat To Live on Friday. I've recently been diagnosed with interstitial cystitis and I don't want to take all of the medicine prescribed to me. I'm going to try and treat it with diet and other homeopathic treatments. That being said, I feel like Eat to Live is the way to go. My husband has agreed to give me 6 weeks and try it with me. We'll see about that. It says not to start the lifestyle until you have completed the book. So, I'm trying to eat all of my favorite foods for the last time, while still keeping the portion size under control.


light multigrain english muffin: 120
1 tsp. butter: 50
1 tbs. all fruit spread: 50

~ 1 cup of leftover homemade veggie curry: 200
~1/2 cup white rice: 150
1/2 cup cherries: 70
peach: 60

I laid out organic hamburger meat. I'm thinking whole grain penne w/ meat sauce. ~500

Thursday, June 28th, 2007
2:41 pm
today is ldkjfalfjdlfjl
I'm not at work today. I had a recheck dr's thing and it went horribly, so I stayed out the rest of the day.  I also told them I wasn't coming in tomorrow. I just feel so blech. I need some time. I was prescribed some vicodin, which i love and I was so happy about it.  But, now I"ve come home and took 2 and I feel like crap. My head is hurting and my stomach feels ick.  This happened once before when I was taking too many recreationally and it's actually what made me finally quit for about a year.  I always hope that will happen again, so I can finally quit for good, but I'm not ready now.  I guess I get what I need, huh?

All I've had today is

6 piece chick nugget (grrr..i was so down, but geez): 250
small fry: 160
sweet tea: 150

Wednesday, June 27th, 2007
10:41 am
Uhh...I don't even want to get into the binge that occurred yesterday afternoon. Suffice to say that it was brutal and I eventually threw up. By accident. I do not purge. I hate throwing up.

On my way home from work, I started craving a McDonald's cheeseburger. I talked myself into stopping and getting it, then skipping dinner. Well, I got a double cheeseburger, and ate it in the car within 1 minute. Uhh.

I went home and felt like crap. Bloated and greasy and just bleh.

Then, Shawn decided that we should go eat thai. My favorite.

I wound up eating 2 thai tea's, an order of fresh summer rolls and about 1/2 of my Tom Yum soup. I was in so much pain when we left there. I literally hurt so bad. I went home and threw up thai tea. It was so gross.

When we got home later that night, I ate a piece of fudge and drank a couple glasses of water. Blech.

I think it's out of my system though, and I do not want to do that again. Whew.

As for today, it's my nephew's bday, so I'm not sure about dinner. I'm sure it will be pizza or something, so I'll have to eat, but only allow myself 1 piece or serving of whatever we get. I'll also have a tiny piece of cake and maybe a small spoon of ice cream.

2 pieces of turkey bacon: 60
2 pieces of white wheat toast: 110
1/2 tbs. of butter: 55
coffee w/ nonfat milk: 15

green tea/ water: 0

2 cups mixed greens: 5
4 tbs. ff balsamic vinegar dressing: 15
2 oz. ff feta: 60
2 cups carrots: 70
1 cup cucumbers w/ lemon and salt: 10

chipotle cheddar string cheese: 80


that leaves around 500-600 for dinner. Very doable.

Tuesday, June 26th, 2007
12:07 pm
Well, yesterday turned out to be completely different than what I had planned. Everything was fine until my husband and I went out, then all hell broke loose. I had decided that yesterday would be my last day to eat crappy, so I went all out. So dumb. I was also high 99% of the day (on Lortabs from my surgery), so that increased my crappy consumption.

I ate:

fried potatoes with cheese dip
tortilla chips with cheese dip
some rice
some green beans
tortilla crusted tilapia
2 apple cider donuts
apple cider
5 pieces of fudge
2 walnut clusters
baked cheetos
1/2 peanut butter sandwich
3 pickles.



multigrain english muffin: 130
1 tbs. fat free cream cheese: 50?
coffee: 2

reduced fat cheese crackers (8): 100

1 cup white rice: 242
2 tbs. light soy sauce: 50
1 tsp green curry paste: 40
1/2 cup spinach: 15
2 cups cherries:100
1/2 cup green beans:30
1 ear of corn:100

1/2 cup au gratin potatoes (have to get rid of leftovers): 120
cucumber salad w/ ff ranch dressing: 50
broccolini w/ olive oil and garlic: 70 (high ball)
sauteed squash w/ 1 tbs. parmesan cheese: 70

1/2 cup peach ice cream: 120
1 pickle: 5


uhhhhh. i'll try to do without the ice cream so 1000
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